“An invasion of armies can be resisted, but not an idea whose time has come.”
—Victor Hugo
Role-Playing Games can be fun and engaging. Often times they try to put you in the shoes of a relatable protagonist in a fantastical world – the ultimate escape. But as hard as they try there are some things that would be questionable, bizarre, or just outright hilarious if we lived in their world.
If 5/10 is average, when did “average” become an insult?
“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.” ―Edmund Burke
“Visually striking, original, unforgettable, timeless, other stereotypical critic phrases.” -Pat, New York Times review of Beauty and the…
“If science fiction is the mythology of modern technology, then its myth is tragic.”
-Ursula K. Le Guin
“He was after a sensational story and this, of course, could not be constructed out of mere truth; not out of officially released truth, anyway. It was essential that the news-reading public should feel, first, that the community was in danger and secondly that people—well-off people, “official” people—who ought to have known better, were to blame for it.”
―Richard Adams, The Plague Dogs
“One way to get the most out of life is to look upon it as an adventure.”
-William Feather
So a tiny paper weight from a 3rd-world country video game company was recently released and it set the internet on fire like so much dog crap in a big, runny paper bag. Ladies and leotards, the Nintendo Switch, a device so inflammatory it summoned the shock jocks and mouthbreathers from the dark recesses of their dimly lit parents’ basements to spew their bile and record close-ups of their in-grown hairs. The Switch, if you forgot to have your mom pay your internet bill, is the lovechild of John Podesta and Anthony Weiner, in other words, it’s a home system and a handheld, or as I prefer: a homewreck and a port-a-potty. For some reason, this is exactly what a world of over-privileged whiners needed for a punching bag.
“In everybody’s life there’s a point of no return. And in a very few cases, a point where you can’t go forward anymore. And when we reach that point, all we can do is quietly accept the fact. That’s how we survive.”
― Haruki Murakami, Kafka on the Shore
“When one is frightened of the truth then it is never the whole truth that one has an inkling of.”
-Ludwig Wittgenstein
“If history were taught in the form of stories, it would never be forgotten.”
-Rudyard Kipling
“The suspense is terrible! …I hope it’ll last.”
-Gene Wilder, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
“The fishermen know that the sea is dangerous and the storm terrible, but they have never found these dangers sufficient reason for remaining ashore.”
-Vincent van Gogh
“It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness.”
-Eleanor Roosevelt
“I admire your willingness to put artistic integrity over marketability.”
-Hobbes, Calvin & Hobbes
It’s still the same old story
A fight for love and glory
A case of do or die
The world will always welcome lovers
As time goes by
– Herman Hupfeld
Rage Mage Reviews! Ladies and gentlemen, NPCs of all ages: Prompto Argentum….
“Ladies. Gentlemen. You have eaten well. You’ve eaten Gotham’s wealth. Its spirit. Your feast is nearly over. From this moment on… none of you are safe.”
-Batman, Year One
“I’m afraid of coaching, of writer’s classes, of writer’s magazines, of books on how to write. They give me centipede trouble – you know the yarn about the centipede who was asked how he managed all his feet? He tried to answer, stopped to think about it, and was never able to walk another step.”
-Robert A. Heinlein
“He always thought of the sea as ‘la mar’ which is what people call her in Spanish when they love her. Sometimes those who love her say bad things of her but they are always said as though she were a woman. Some of the younger fishermen… spoke of her as ‘el mar’ which is masculine. They spoke of her as a contestant or a place or even an enemy. But the old man always thought of her as feminine and as something that gave or withheld great favours, and if she did wild or wicked things it was because she could not help them. The moon affects her as it does a woman, he thought.”
-Ernest Hemingway, The Old Man and the Sea
“Remember kid, there’s heroes and there’s legends. Heroes get remembered, but legends never die.”
-The Babe
“Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.”
―P.J. O’Rourke
“Much have I fared, much have I found,
Much have I got of the gods:
What shall live of mankind when at last there comes
The mighty winter to men?”
-The Ballad of Vafthruthnir
After a rather ignoble post by the Rage Mage, how about something a little…
This rage-post is just one sentence long… because, as all you bottom-feeding, basement-dwelling, like-fishing bloggers know, the plebeians at Square Enix thought it was okay to get the entire gaming community all up in a hissy-fit of excitement for what turned out to be the ultimate example of lameness: that they’re going to be making a stupid Avengers-themed game, probably in the vein of the Lego Marvel thing, because let’s just come right out and say it: nothing is more appropriate for the Marvel brand than getting the shameless, angsty, pandering treatment from the same company that crapped out Final Fantasy XV in all of its fetch-questing, female-objectifying, open chit-chatty anti-glory, and after all, the cast of FFXV with monotone Noctis, dude-bro Gladio, anime-cliché Ignis, and professional whiner baby Prompto are the perfect archetypes for the whitewashed, mansplaining derpsters crowding Marvel’s list of C-tier…
Ah, it’s good to be writing about video games again! So ninety-five days ago,…
All of Studio Ghibli ranked! After reviewing every film (that I could get my hands on), it’s time to put together my definitive list.
