“Super Mario Multiverse” – Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door (GCN) by Maggie Maxwell

Since the very first game that proclaimed the inhabitants of the Mushroom Kingdom were turned into blocks and it was up to one humble plumber to save the princess, the characters that inhabit that kingdom and its neighbors have grown. Mario, Peach, and company have traveled around (and beyond) the world to see new places and meet characters: from the Yoshis on their Island to the Piantas at Isle Delfino and the Beanbean Kingdom’s Beanish. But arguably, the greatest variety of and most vibrant characters are found in the Paper Mario series, where every race we’ve met before find places to belong, and enemies become allies as even Goombas gain unforgettable personalities. The series has its unfortunate lows, but I think most players will agree: the highest high is mighty high in Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door, as Mario sails into the grungy town of Rogueport with little more than his wits, a treasure map, and a missing princess to find (as usual).

Barely off the ship, we meet our first partner, Goombella, and the wonderfully incompetent villains, the X-Nauts (Ex-Nauts? Cross-Nauts? Who knows?). From there, it’s a fabulous adventure filled with new friends and new enemies, wise guys and bumbling fools, and plenty of smiles at the game’s pure charm. I loved it from the start, to the point that I recall midnight, New Years Day 2005 found me glued to somewhere in Rogueport, and it remains one of my better New Years celebrations. Of course, as with anything, even the highest highs has its own lows. Many of the characters Mario meets are some of the series’ best and brightest, and many are the source of frustration and eye rolls. I wanted to take a look at both sides of the character coin, so here we go: The Best and Worst of Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door.

Partners

Best – Vivian

For being such a dark character, Vivian is a shining bright spot in an already shining cast. This poor little shadow spend a lot of time being bullied before she meets Mario, who encourages her to find her metaphorical backbone and stand up to her own family. When everyone else abandons him for an imposter, she’s the one person to stand by his side, even when she finds out he’s the one she’s been trying to stop. On top of having a great story, she’s also one of the most powerful partners in Mario’s lineup with her burning fire skills and the ability to hide Mario from damage both on the overworld and in battle. Throw in a sweet personality and a cute hat and you’ve got the best character in Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door, if not the whole Paper Mario series.

Worst – Madame Flurrie

Flurrie may be able to blow things away in the game, but she certainly won’t blow anyone’s mind with her lackluster story or gameplay. This reclusive former diva is still 100% diva and flat out refuses to help you until you find her necklace, sending you running back and forth across the entire map to retrieve it because she simply cannot be seen in public without it. Nevermind that there are adorable critters in trouble, she MUST have that necklace. In combat, her ability to potentially blow enemies away proves relatively lackluster, because it’s useless against bosses and whatever it does work against, you don’t get the experience. For a game where leveling is a requirement but grinding not so much, her technique turns the grind into a necessity if you overuse it. 

Supportive NPCs

Best – Professor Frankly

Professor Frankly may not be an official member of the team, but he might as well be for all the help he is. He’s one of the first characters Mario meets and one of the last by his side as he heads into the last dungeon. When Mario needs to know how to translate the clues from his treasure map or where to go to get to the next leg of the journey, Frankly gets his head down (well, as much as a goomba can) and finds out what Mario needs to know, assuming he doesn’t already know it. When you miss your chance to scan a boss with Goombella, the good Professor has their information waiting for Mario when he gets back to town. Despite the history between Mario and his species, Professor Frankly is here to help as soon as Mario walks in the door, ready to show you that goombas are made for so much more than stomping.

Worst – Flavio

God, Flavio is just the WORST. I don’t mean he’s necessarily a bad character, He’s actually quite fun, but horrible all the same. He’s a liar, an idiot, a know-it-all, a blowhard, a coward, and a glory thief. A narcissist in many forms, Flavio is one of those people in your tabletop gaming group who keeps trying to use the Bluff ability when they have no ranks in it and relatively low charisma. He’s total trash. And he’s great. But trash. 

Gang Members

Best – Don Pianta

Don’t let the Don’s mafia-coated exterior worry you. This head honcho is really a softie. When his daughter runs off with his right-hand goon, he may seem angry, but he’s really quite heartbroken. Help the boss out, and he’ll get Mario anything he wants. Luckily he doesn’t want anyone whacked. He just wants his daughter safe and happy. Sure, he’s a mob boss and probably has some paper on his hands, but he’s not really a bad guy. 

Worst – Francesca Pianta

Now his daughter, Francesca, however… well, she’s not bad either, but she IS a spoiled brat and a half. She doesn’t think about how her actions affect others: not her father when she runs away to elope, or when he’s bedridden ill for missing her, and not Frankie, her boyfriend-turned-husband. When SHE loses her wedding ring, SHE makes HIM say he loves her ONE HUNDRED TIMES. And you have to push a button to make the conversation go every. Single. Time. Spoiled brat doesn’t even respect the player’s time. At least Frankie tries to make it go quickly.

Old Fogies

Best – Puni Elder

Don’t let this little old lady’s small size fool you. She may not be a Bob-omb, but she’s still a firecracker. Despite her age giving her a bad back and a bit of a hearing problem (she never gets Mario’s name right), she’s still got a pair of lungs on her. She’ll shout any offender into line, from Puni bullies to Bowser himself, and then bore them to sleep with a long-winded story. Do not underestimate this old lady, she’s got more fire in her than the Koopa King. 

Worst – General White

How do you like a game of Hide and Seek done across a world with almost no fast travel? How do you like doing it twice? Sounds horrible? Well congratulations, because that’s what General White will put you through. See, the good General likes to see the world, catch up with friends, and just generally get around, and always when Mario needs him to do something. Everywhere you go, Mario “just” misses him, from world to world until you end up right back where you started, staring at the General, fast asleep in his bed. Twice. It’s the most obnoxious part of the game, and all because this old codger refuses to stick around where he’s the man in charge. 

Team

Best – The Glitz Pit Minor League Fighters

When Mario finds himself recruited into a battle league, you’d think the rest of the fighters would see him as competition to look down on, but not the Minor Leaguers. These guys are already the underdogs, they know it, and they recognize their own. King K, Bandy Andy, Cleftor, and Master Crash all cheer Mario on and give him pushes in the right direction to solve the mystery of the Glitz Pit, even at the risk of their own lives. If the game didn’t come with pre-arranged partners, these are the boys I’d want on my side.

Worst – The Shadow Sirens

Yes, Vivian is now officially both a best and a worst. But not really, because it’s really her sisters Beldam and Marilyn who are the worst. Beldam is a heartless bully to her younger sisters and other underlings, constantly belittling them and blaming them for her own failures and mistakes. She treats Vivian as an emotional punching bag, and Marilyn never says anything. Well, she never says anything anyway, but she could still stand up for her littlest sister if she wanted. Instead, she’s loyal to Beldam. When Vivian finally ditches them for the more supportive role of, well, support, they replace her almost immediately with the annoying shapeshifting specter who stole Mario’s friends. Some family.

Mushroom Kingdom Representatives

Best – Bowser

Let’s be honest: the Koopa King is usually the best part of any game he’s playable in, and Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door isn’t any different. When we take control over the big guy in little vignettes between chapters, we get to see a side of Bowser that is rough, tough, goofy, clumsy, and trying his best all at once, which is about par for the course. You can’t say he’s not a bad guy, but despite being literally one-dimensional in the game, he shows off all his multidimensionality in fine form.  

Worst – Peach

On the other hand, Peach is, well, Peach. The damsel in distress. The helpless victim sitting and waiting for rescue. Even in her vignettes, she’s doing more dancing lessons with an Artificial Intelligence than attempting to save herself. She gets a few interesting moments of espionage outside her cell, but both times are following orders from that previously mentioned AI (who, did I mention, has fallen madly in love with her after watching her shower?). Her whole attitude is “Captured again, oh well, time to wait for Mario to save me” even when you’re playing her, and I cannot say I’m a fan. She is capable of helping herself and being a bit bullheaded about what she does and doesn’t do. We’ve seen it in games like Super Mario RPG and Super Princess Peach. We do not see that here, and that’s a letdown.    

Honorable Mentions 

Best – Whacka

The last of his kind and a very good boy. Don’t hit him.

Worst – TEC

The AI who watched Princess Peach in the shower. Dude, stop creepin’.

And there you have it! My thoughts on the best and worst characters of Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door. Now bear in mind, these are just my opinions. Disagree? Who do you think deserves a place or a different place on the list? Drop it in the comments!

Maggie Maxwell spends most of her days buried in her fiction writing, only coming up for air to dive into the escapism of video games, cartoons, or movies. She can usually be found on Twitter as @wanderingquille and @MaxNChachi or streaming on Twitch with her husband, also as MaxNChachi.

Wahoo! You are a Super Reader! But the adventure doesn’t stop here… There’s more of this project in another castle! This article is just one level in an entire Super Mario Multiverse, a galactic collaboration between writers around the world sharing a bit of our hearts and memories about our favorite Mario games. Visit the Center of the Multiverse to see more: