“R-Rated in 8-Bits: Toxic Crusaders”

Welcome back to R-Rated in 8-Bits, where we explore the bizarre era where every gory, debauched horror franchise was deemed perfectly acceptable for a family-friendly NES game. As long as the characters had strong action-figure potential, it didn’t matter how much blood they spilled on screen – you can be sure they were getting a super-action-playset complete with holographic trading card and a spring-loaded missile launcher.

If you’re new to our series, feel free to check out our previous forays.

And now, onto today’s twisted main event!

In addition to comics and action figures, many of these mature characters also received their very own TV series. While the likes of Robocop and Conan the Barbarian got more direct albeit cleaned-up adaptations of their blood-soaked source material, today’s entry took a different route. Toxic Crusaders takes the biohazard-based origin of the Toxic Avenger in another direction, molding its character into a parody of the Saturday-morning cartoon crowd. Unlike other R-rated adaptations, Toxic Crusaders is fully aware of how pandering it is. A ton of the jokes poke fun at lame storytelling or script issues. Self-awareness is drizzled all over, like neon-green frosting on a cake. Quasi-educational elements for child viewers were mandated for many cartoons of the time, so Toxic Crusaders sprinkles in just enough environmentalism to meet this demand. One entire character – Major Disaster – has a power centered on making trees grow. The series is entirely family-friendly, with no objectionable content, yet that Troma mix of irreverent sarcasm and social commentary shines through all the same.

Speaking of which, you can’t really talk about Toxic Crusaders, or its source material Toxic Avenger, without mentioning Troma Entertainment. Founded by Lloyd Kaufman and Michael Herz in the early 70’s, this independent film company has steadily churned out some of the most sleazy horror and comedy flicks to hit video stores over the last 50 years. Tasteless content may be their bread and butter, but much of the shock factor is framed in a wink-at-the-camera manner, as if the actors are all fully aware of how ridiculous their scenes are. This in-on-the-joke attitude shapes the entire tone of Troma pictures, so even when things get extreme, you can’t help but roll your eyes and say “Oh boy, they just had to go there, didn’t they?”. It’s a different sort of shock than your typical Saw-style film in that you walk away laughing at the grotesque rather than being horrified at it. What’s more, most Troma films use this punk-rock take on cinema to drop commentary about society. Corporate and political corruption are frequently skewered, and while the characters and settings may be zany, the message comes through loud and clear.

Troma’s most well-known film, Toxic Avenger, is the perfect encapsulation of these ideas. A fusion of monster movie, superhero tale, and revenge thriller, Toxic Avenger follows Melvin, a nerdy janitor at a the Tromaville health club. Unfortunately for our hero, said gym is populated by a gang of neighborhood bullies. In the Toxic Avenger, your run-of-the-mill bully prescribes to the Steven King school of ruffian: less “troublemaker,” more “full-blown sociopath.” These are people who literally try (and often succeed) to run over pedestrians for sport.

A prank gone wrong results in Melvin falling into a barrel of toxic waste, which transforms him into the titular deformed monster of superhuman size and strength. Though surprisingly articulate and kindhearted, Toxie is merciless when it comes to dispensing justice to the wicked. Villains tend to lose body parts. In addition to strength, Toxie also gains a D&D-esque ‘Detect Evil’ ability, the innate power to ascertain when someone is up to something rotten. It’s more subtle in the movie, but the cartoon deploys it as almost a Spidey-sense. During his quest for vengeance, he meets a sight-impaired gal who sees past Toxie’s melted exterior to the glowing-green heart inside.

Transitioning to Toxic Crusaders, most surprising was how the pilot episode actually retells the plot of the film pretty damn accurately in its first half, obviously omitting the gore. And naughty bits. And profanity. And…okay, what I’m saying is that all the plot beats are there.

After that, everything differs. One of the bullies actually gets mutated into a central antagonist. The main villain Killemoff (yeah, exactly) is actually a cockroach-like alien from a planet where his people thrive off of smog – thus his goal of polluting the Earth. That’s way more explanation that any of the foes in Captain Planet were ever given. Word of Toxie’s heroism spreads past Tromaville and attracts other mutated folk to join his cause. You can’t play as any in the game, but rather rescue them at the end of each stage. Oddly enough, though, the GameBoy version of Toxic Crusaders does allow you to control these characters, so if you really need to rampage through Tromaville as No-zone or Headbanger, that’s your avenue. Though good luck finding a copy that’ll run you less than a few hundred dollars; the GameBoy adaptation of Toxic Crusaders is actually one of the most valuable games on the entire system. That said, the NES version isn’t cheap, either.

Utterly bizarre, yet perfectly fitting for Troma’s oddball nature.

Honestly, the TV show is way better than I thought it would be. Oh sure, it’s stupid, but it’s fully aware of how stupid it is and leans into the absurdity with a knowing grin. Characters constantly break the fourth wall or comment on the sheer silliness of it all. Hell, the main villain’s henchman, Dr. Pyscho, casually informs his boss how the heroes will foil their evil plans less than five minutes into each episode. Then, of course, that exact thing happens. The Troma tongue-in-cheek vibe is there, and I swear I caught an occasional ‘hell’ or ‘damn’ slipped into dialogue.

But what about the NES adaptation? Can it distill the gonzo chaos of Troma’s mascot into an enjoyable gaming experience? Let’s dive in and find out.

Toxic Crusaders was developed by Tose and released in 1992. Adaptations were also made for the Sega Genesis and aforementioned GameBoy, but the planned SNES version was cancelled. Our story begins with all Toxie’s buddies kidnapped by the vile forces of Killemoff. In true Nintendo fashion, you’re a one-man army against a slew of minions, so the beat em’ up formula fits well. And as a beat em’ up, controls are key. At first impression, Toxie’s movements are responsive, so dodging environmental hazards like toxic spills isn’t too cumbersome. (Why toxic spills hurt the Toxic Avenger is beyond me.) Hit detection seems a bit spotty, as you’ll take damage more easily than you’d assume, yet the early skirmishes against Killemoff’s henchmen are manageable enough. However, as the game progresses further, you begin to realize the problems.

Your attacks are woefully limited. You’ll begin each stage with a mop, which seems to mainly provide reach over power. Thought that reach is VERY important to getting hits in without taking damage, yourself. Sadly, it only takes one hit for your mop to disappear, so you seldom hang onto it for long. This is a real bummer, as picking up mop upgrades makes the game far easier, but it’s an incredibly difficult task to even retain the level 1 mop. This is because even the most basic enemies have ranged attacks to go along with melee. This makes approach tricky at times, as it’s easy to collide with enemies whilst trying to damage them. Basic enemies can demolish your health, so always approach with caution, and never straight-on, if you can help it. What’s worst is when one enemy assaults you with melee attacks while another fires at you from behind. Screen control is paramount to stay alive. The trick seems to be how best to approach each enemy, coming at them from a different plane to avoid ranged attacks and letting them walk into your punches from above or below.

Once your mop is gone, it’s your fists that’ll do the talking. In a deviation from the source material, Toxie’s extreme strength doesn’t seem to be on display here. The standard punch requires multiple hits to fell even starter enemies. Its range is also short, putting you at risk for collision damage. The addition of a jump-kick would’ve done wonders, much like the NES’s TMNT2: The Arcade Game. Attacking in mid-air only does another punch, well-above the heads of non-aerial enemies.

There is another more powerful attack that appears twice as potent as your main swing. It’s not mentioned in the manual and uses the same animation as the normal attack. The only clue to it is a different sound effect. I actually had to watch the AVGN episode on Toxic Crusaders to learn about this, as it’s not even in the game’s own manual. Very odd, and awkward to use based on where the Select button is located. This makes it incredibly cumbersome to use, sometimes putting you at risk to get hit simply because you need that split-second to move your finger.

Enemies that leap onto the screen are especially dangerous, so sticking towards the center is recommended. Not only will it help you avoid enemies, but also the occasional barrels that roll by. The barrels can hurt you, but if you manage to break them open, they’ll provide much-needed health and power upgrades. Enemies don’t drop items, so these are your only opportunities. Squandering them makes a level that much more difficult. Adding to the difficulty factor, when you lose a life, you don’t pick up where you left off, but rather restart the level or checkpoint. Coupled with how easy it is to power-down and take damage, and you’ll be seeing the Game Over screen a lot. The game is difficult, but more in a frustrating way than challenging one. You get the impression that a few bits of polish could’ve tightened up the hit detection and enemy placement, making for a solid, if standard beat em’ up.

The one saving grace is the password system, which is thankfully comprised of only 4 figures. Easy to remember and write down, so your progress often boils down to just trying to survive a level, then getting the password so you never have to play through it again.

As an adaptation of an adaptation, I will give Toxic Crusaders a nod for its references. Level 1 sees you discover a secret weapon – kitty litter – to defeat the oil-slick beast Polluto, which is a direct pull from the series’s pilot. As you make your way through Tromaville, you’ll even walk the halls of Tromaville High School, setting of Class of Nuke ‘Em High, another Troma feature. I just wish the core gameplay were tightened up to make the play experience more enjoyable. There’s a genuinely good beat em’ up at the heart of Toxic Crusaders, but it’s bogged down by the cheap sort of difficulty that’ll make you throw your controller across the room. From losing your sole weapon after one hit, to enemies leaping onscreen without warning, to having to start over from scratch after each death no matter how many extra lives you have in reserve, Toxic Crusaders seems adamant on making life as frustrating as possible. It’s a shame, as I’m a fan of Toxie and really wanted to like this game.

I honestly feel like this is a case where the developers had to rush, a woefully common practice in game development that’s hurt many a promising title. The game doesn’t feel like an example of license-laden shovelware. There are notes of quality in the mix, from a rockin’ chiptune soundtrack to some really nice cartoony pixel art on the bosses. I just wish developers had more time to playtest the controls and overall difficulty factor, as it drags down the whole experience.

Toxie seems to be having a bit of a resurgence now, from the Peter Dinklage-led Toxic Avenger remake still looking for a studio (the film’s completely finished), to Retroware’s upcoming Toxic Crusaders beat em’ up, where all the heroes get in on the fightin’. I dunno if Troma will ever get around to making Toxic Avenger 5, seeing as the last film released nearly 25 years ago, but perhaps this franchise revival will provide just the right kind of spark. I guess you can’t keep the big guy down, even if his NES adaptation leaves a lot to be desired.

Thanks for reading, and Happy Halloween!

Matt Lotti has explored the realms of paper and pixel in equal measure. An avid collector of both Magic the Gathering and classic NES & Gameboy, he feels imagination is the kindling that keeps the fires of gaming alive. This holds true to both classic titles and new adventures. What matters most is the creative energy involved. Each experience is a new story, and all stories deserve their time around the campfire. So grab an ale and settle in. After all, it’s dangerous to go alone. Matt Lotti can be found on Twitter @Intrepid_tautog.