Velocity Noodle (2023) [Switch] critque

It doesn’t matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop.

– Confucius

In our post-COVID world today, we want everything to come to us. Sure, we tried to get all our supplies by laying siege to the department and grocery stores and see where that has gotten us. Quarantine, that’s where! Well, we as the human race have responded to that the best way that we know how, and that is to hire other people to risk their safety for us. Thus, home delivery services have cropped up everywhere, and they are able to deliver every good and service under the sun! This includes fast food, particularly noodles and Velocity Noodle!

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In our very near and dystopian cyber-punk future, food delivery service will be a matter of life and death. This is, at least, what indie developer Shotgun Anaconda has envisioned for their precision platformer, Velocity Noodle. Publisher Top Hat Studios Inc. is known for producing wild and inventive games on both PC and console, and on the surface it appears that Velocity Noodle fits this mold. Of course, it has a long list of pedigreed precision platformers to contend with, and that makes critiquing this title much more difficult.

Looking at the Genre: Precision Platformers

It’s easy to say that all platformers are the same, but that statement is as wrong as saying “The sky is purple with pink polka dots.” The platformer genre has a massive representation of video games that span nearly half a century. In fact, it is a genre that has spawned some of the most iconic video game characters of all time, including Mario, Sonic, Kirby, Mega Man – the list goes on and on. As time marched forward, developers experimented with the genre in both 2D and 3D formats. It wasn’t until about 2010 that an icky little indie game appeared to introduce the world to “threading the needle” platforming, aka “precision platforming.” This game was called Super Meat Boy.

It was an easy game to overlook back then with all the high-resolution titles being released on the Xbox 360 and PS3. Despite its initial obscurity, Super Meat Boy became a cult classic due to its high degree of difficulty and sharp learning curve. The game became a sort of model for later titles like Geometry Dash, VVVVVV, and of course, Celeste.

The key components of the sub-genre are short levels, various obstacles, few enemies, soft death penalties, instant respawns, and (thank the Lord) unlimited lives. These titles are meant to be difficult, and the players are supposed to die over and over again to discover the correct paths to take in order to pass the obstacles. Some of these titles are so difficult that it often comes down to developing base muscle memory in order to complete certain levels. This is Velocity Noodle’s niche in the gaming world, and it fits quite well there.

The 8-Bit Review

Visuals 5/10

Velocity Noodle embraces a trend that has popped up over the last decade among indie titles: fluid pixel art. Not all pixel art is equal, and the complexity of art is often only limited by the artist’s imagination and skill. Releasing a pixel art title into a market that is saturated with games like Owlboy and Blasphemous, which ride the line on being absolute artistic masterpieces, is risky.

Velocity Noodle took that risk, and it shows. The setting of the game takes place in a neon cyberpunk nightscape that gives the artists opportunities to accentuate light and depth. Though there is a little of that, the art looks rather flat and “smushed,” which can break the appeal for many gamers.

Despite its visual limitations, the artists did well to paint a vibrant city with hues of dark purples and greens. The levels do not change the scenery much as the player progresses through the game, but the fast-paced action more than makes up for that.

Audio 8/10

If you are going to have a game that takes place in a cyberpunk future, then you are going to need a hot electronic soundtrack to propel the action. This game features a great synthwave soundtrack that really places the player into the action. Since many of the levels are short, the same song will often carry over to the next level, which helps to keep the momentum of the game moving forward.

I have some minor gripes concerning the sound effects. This game seems to be lost somewhere between serious action and cute novelty. The jumps and landing sound more like they would come from a child’s game than a hardcore speed-running title. “Bleeps” and “bloops” don’t always fit into a game.

Gameplay 8/10

Precision platformers are, above all, about having tight controls. Floating, stopping, jump momentum…everything has to be perfectly calibrated within the code to ensure the gamer receives a good gaming experience. With all the moving parts that exist in Velocity Noodle, it is surprising that everything works out as well as it does.

As a noodle delivery ninja, you have to be quick on your feet as you jump, slide, and teleport through obstacles. The main mechanics used to do this are based on the double jump, slide maneuver, and sword toss. The key to getting through the levels is to maintain momentum. This can be done by boosting through a slide or hitting certain speed boosts in the stages. All of these maneuvers take place very quickly after hitting a button on your gamepad to initiate an action. There is very little downtime between obstacles. Make sure your fingers are always on the ready.

For myself, I think one of the more unique mechanics of this game is the sword. Swords are usually used to attack enemies, but this game doesn’t present many enemies for our hero to attack. The sword is used for a much different purpose. When you throw your sword at a certain type of “tile,” you will teleport to where your sword is! This neat mechanic allows for a wide range of fun and original puzzles unlike anything you have seen in other platforming titles.

Narrative 4/10

I’m not really going to spend much time on this because there isn’t much to say. I think we can all agree that Celeste spoiled us. It married together a solid narrative with a precision platformer. It had depth within its presentation, but Velocity Noodle does not. Not even close.

So, this game is all about illegally delivering noodles to customers in a cyberpunk dystopia. That’s it, that’s the story. The writing is very shallow and gives the player little to no reason to emotionally invest in the characters. With such a quirky theme, more could have been done to provide depth to the characters and setting. Alas, that did not happen.

Challenge 9/10

Everyone talks about “soulslike” games as being the most difficult titles to ever grace consoles, but I would have to disagree with that. It is precision platformers that have that honor, and Velocity Noodle certainly fits into that mold.

This game is difficult, especially when police drones are introduced into the gameplay. It is one thing to avoid spinning blades of death and lasers, it is entirely something else to have to do that and evade the cops. The hovering police vehicles push you to go faster, and that often means dying multiple times before you can get through. Sometimes it will feel impossible, but that is just because you are not good enough yet.

Replayability 5/10

Velocity Noodle has hours of fast-paced gameplay to offer. When those hours are up, however, the player will probably put it down. Speedrunning and precision platforming games can be exhausting, even if they are critically acclaimed like Celeste. Velocity Noodle is really no different.

There are some collectibles and “McGuffins” that the player can find throughout the levels. This does give the player a reason to revisit the levels. I don’t feel that it holds the attention of the player for long. Most of it is completing a trial that is more difficult than the one that allowed the player to advance in the game. It’s not worth extra hours of gameplay for a mere achievement or item.

Uniqueness 6/10

Precision platformers are based on the concepts of fast gameplay and near-misses. Some games, like Neon White, add 3D elements to the formula. It expands the running and jumping by adding strafing and shooting in an FPS format. There are many ways to approach the precision platforming genre, but many games tend to lean heavily on the beefy source material that is Super Meat Boy. Velocity Noodle does not stray far from that mold.

In the game, your character runs and double jumps much like all other protagonists in precision platformers. The sword-launching mechanic is a neat addition to the gameplay, but it doesn’t really alter the gameplay enough to make it stand out among other precision platformers.

Personal 7/10

I honestly enjoyed my time with Velocity Noodle. Being a fan of the precision platformer genre of games, I found this one to be a fun and straightforward gaming experience. It didn’t “wow” me with incredible graphics or unique game mechanics. Honestly, I wasn’t massively impressed by this game. It did, however, provide an adequate challenge for the thrill-seeking child living in me!

I cannot express enough about how this type of game is not for everyone. Perhaps you are the type of person who “rage quits” after a few deaths. Well then, this game is probably not for you. Precision platformers appeal to players who not only love a challenge but also have the patience to endure a difficult gauntlet of near-impossible odds. The true pleasure of a game like this is the feeling of completing some of the most difficult platforming levels next to custom Mario Maker death traps! If you can make it in Velocity Noodle, you can make it anywhere!

Aggregated Score: 6.5

J.R. Sommerfeldt is a family man, licensed counselor, farmer, fiber artist, and indie game enthusiast living in the heartland of America. He has found solace living the simple life, and his preference for games centering around narratives, crafting, and exploration is a testament to this.