“TWRM GOTY 2018” – Chrono Trigger (Steam)

The TWRM GOTY 2018 Collab has begun! This special event consists of multiple writers making their best cases for their picks for GOTY 2018. Check out each article posted daily from the 1^st through the 15^th and listen to their points, then on January 16^th you will have the opportunity to vote on which game you think should be crowned TWRM GOTY of 2018!

Chrono Trigger

Developer: Hasbeen Games
Publisher: Might as well have been nobody
Release Date: Whenever retro gamer’s screamed loudest
Platform/Console: Gaming’s 4chan
Genre: Mobile

“RAGE MAGE!!!!!1“

That’s right. This is the perfect way to end an echo chamber annual collab for voting up 2018’s Game of the Year by writing something that would offend the type of shlocks that would vote on 2018’s Game of the Year!

Everybody knows that modern gaming is every dumpster fire meme ever. If you didn’t know that, then you’re a fanboy.

Resolutions higher than the human eye can even appreciate, elaborate floor shows full of industry leaders prostituting themselves for your chump change, social media gaming communities reeking of so many rectal thermometers, more companies than Konami going the Pachinko route using randomness and grinds to pad the skeletal remains of their dead franchises… endless patches and updates trying develop games post-release, over-priced peripherals and products about as exciting as banging pots and pans together, gatekeepers like your Aunt calling herself a “real gamer” as she picks the salt chunks out from between her gums whilst playing Candy Crush, and paywalls reminding you how bad you are at making friends… they suck. Bet you thought I was gonna mention microtransactions, too. You’re so predictable.

Even an emaciated port of the fattest, ripest dead horse of all time, Chrono Trigger, could win best of 2018. Admit it. From the very moment you stepped out of your pubescent haze of Dragon Ball Z-obsessed mental groping and saw it, you have fallen into the broadest category of pretentiously normal gamer: the ones who think Chrono Trigger isn’t overrated. Heck, you probably actually think a fossil like the Super Nintendo is still playable!

But here’s the thing… the collective suckage of the gaming world today, full of its wannabe trolls, controversies, angry game reviews, and cartoonified white-guy-with-glasses profile pics is just the result of a continuous downhill trend in interactive media since Edison invented the capitalism. Humanity is getting stupider. Prove me wrong.

Even a trash port of a trash “classic” is better than the triple A tripe of 2018, or its nobody-cares-that-you-made-your-own-game games, to include the indie hipsters in here, too. This port has got everything: blurry sprites, terrible fonts, touchscreen controls, nostalgia glasses… What more could you ask for?

It’s a miracle that Square was able to 1) pull their hands out of their pants to get any work done at all, 2) remember what Chrono anything even is, and 3) produce the worst received bupkis of one of the best received games ever. The rage was glorious.

So if you want to stick it to modern gaming, vote for iChronoTrigger.dump, the Steam version, because there has to be something worth playing on that platform, right? …Right?

Watch the world burn. Vote Chrono Trigger for TWRM GOTY 2018. Let’s Chrono Break some fanboys. Somewhere, Keighley is rolling in his cheap game show host suit.

“Worship the modern gaming industry’s failures by blowing up your kidneys!”

Pros:
+ Not an overhyped AAA built to appeal to the lowest common denominator.
+ Not an art house indie bloated with its own tiny self-importance.
+ Not an “oh yeah I forgot about that game” AA game.

Cons:
– Chrono Trigger.

Josef: “I’m aimlessly angry to impress others!”

Keighley: “How do I find A Way Out of this conversation?”