Marvel: “Avengers Infinity War is the most ambitious crossover event in history!”

Me:

Okay, so this is a guilty pleasure of mine: guessing beyond all reason what characters might appear in the next Smash Bros. game. Really, all I care about is Mega Man is there. I don’t have any other aspirations beyond that.

Now that Super Smash Bros. Ultimate has been revealed for the Nintendo Switch, complete with every previous fighter ever on its roster, I was inspired to dream for more. Of course, plenty of these are more than likely never to appear in our lifetimes, but it’s a fun excursion through a fantasy land. Indulge me and get hyped over nothing!

My list is organized from most likely to least likely to impossible.

Why 24? Because I didn’t want to do 25.

#24

First appearance: ARMS (2017)

I was pretty surprised not to see this one announced at E3. I guess the ARMS fad that never was has already died out. Maybe it’ll see a good ol’ Nintendo sweep-under-the-rug or maybe Spring Man or Ribbon Girl will see an announcement closer to Ultimate’s launch. Either way, I can’t imagine it’ll cause much excitement.

#23

First appearance: Super Mario Galaxy (2007)

Not too risky. That’s both Captain Toad’s motto and Nintendo’s when it comes to the Smash Bros. rosters. Cap’n Toad may be great at scouting for treasures in fun little mini-games and handhelds, but maybe someday he can find the key to our hearts. In a Smash game I imagine he’d occupy the same position as Servbot did in Marvel vs Capcom 2.

#22

First appearance: Mega Man 3 (1990)

Mega Man’s elder brother would be an easy addition to Ultimate. We’ve already seen the addition of Princess Daisy as an “echo character” (a clone) of Princess Peach. It wouldn’t be too hard to envision a character that plays similarly to Mega Man but uses more shield abilities. I just hope he would have the same snarky voice from the Mega Man animated series!

#21

First appearance: Final Fantasy VII (1997)

As much a crowd pleaser as Cloud, Sephiroth would be the equivalent of striking gold for all the bishounen-lovin’ weeaboos out there. Okay… I admit it’d be pretty dang cool to see the One Winged Angel appear in the next Smash (complete with his theme song, of course), and making him an echo character of Cloud wouldn’t be too hard to picture. If they shrunk down Ridley, they could shrink down the Masamune, possibly. His final smash could be summoning Meteor! Or forcing his opponents to sit through Advent Children…

#20

First appearance: Diddy Kong Racing (1997)

The trouble would be finding whatever gutter Conker has fallen into and dragging him back up, booze breath and all, but once he’s been rehabilitated, Conker could be an edgy, adultish addition to the Ultimate roster. I imagine he’d play somewhat similar to Fox but mix in some drunken staggering and sloppy martial arts and we’re good to go.

#19

First appearance: Xenoblade Chronicles 2 (2017)

Forget boring Rex, Pyra is what Xenoblade 2 was all about! With her flame powers and sparkling personality, we wouldn’t even need to invoke her tsundere side, Mythra. Maybe Pyra could have alternative costumes suggested by the artists of Tumblr! Hire me, Nintendo!

#18

First appearance: Undertale (2015)

At the risk of summoning up the Undertale fandom, let me say that any character from that game would be cool but Frisk is of course front and center (or is they?!). Their Smash could summon other characters from the series, if you like. This would of course have to be the genocide run in order to work in Ultimate. Doesn’t matter, though. Undertale is coming to Nintendo Switch so this roster entry is in the bag.

#17

First apperance: Dark Souls (2011)

Did you know Nintendo has a Solaire amiibo? Please stop me before I make a “this is the Dark Souls of” reference.

#16

First appearance: Castlevania III: Dracula’s Curse (1989)

Word on the street is there’s a Belmont coming to Smash Bros. Ultimate but if we’re talking pure hyper-cool factor then we’ve got to mention the star of Symphony of the Night for the Castlevania stand-in. Essentially a taller Meta Knight with the playstyle of Bayonetta, Alucard (whose name is “Sephiroth” spelled backwards) would be an amazing addition to the roster what with his mist-changing, wolf-changing, and bat-changing abilities.

#15

First appearance: Rayman (1995)

Now that Nintendo and Ubisoft are all buddy-buddy, it would be the perfectly opportune time to drop Rayman into the next Smash roster. I’ve only played some of Rayman Legends but I really like that game… so of course the sheer weight of my fanboyish favoritism alone should demand above all else that this character make the list, or else! Isn’t that how this stuff works?

#14

First appearance: Pokémon Emergency! [TV Episode] (aired 1997)

Two sides of the same coin, make them costumes on the same core character, and bring this hilarious but played-out duo from the anime screen and Pokémon Yellow into the fray. They could essentially work like the Pokémon Trainer, though it would be great to see the two fighting on their own with the support of their pocket monsters rather than cheering from the sidelines. It’s not like these two have anything better to do!

#13

First appearance: Earthworm Jim (1994)

This was on Ninja’s list but I couldn’t want it more. Outside of Mega Man, Jim was my favorite video game character for a short amount of time growing up (before they released Earthworm Jim 3D). I feel like he’d need a whole new character build to exhibit all his wacky powers like head whipping, plasma blasting, pocket rocket rocketing, and flexing. I’m glad that sort of programming isn’t up to me but I know Nintendo could make something groovy out of Jim.

#12

First appearance: Bomberman (1983)

Heading into the rather unlikely territory of this already unlikely list, Bomberman was already shown to be an assist trophy… in a game which isn’t finished yet! That means there’s a sliver of hope that the iconic bomber gets better treatment than he did in the reprehensible exclusive: Super Bomberman R.

#11

First appearance: Chrono Trigger (1995)

The series that time forgot, it seems like Square Enix, Nintendo, and even Steam couldn’t care less about one of the greatest games in gaming history. But the fans never forget. As my associate the ABXY Mage has said: “they should just add the whole cast and a bunch of levels make the game more Chrono Trigger than anything else”, with which I have to agree. At least a fan-pleasing cameo is better than nothing! And this game has the benefit of actually being on a Nintendo console, too, but Cloud made it first?! *Lavos roar*

#10

First appearance: Final Fantasy IX (2000)

Alternatively, this reveal card could’ve read: “Vivi pulls at your heart strings”. The best Black Mage in FF history doesn’t act like a run of the mill sadist. Instead, Vivi was a pensive, shy, and cautious creature who learned late that life is short. His attacks would be magical but his message would stay with us forever. Cry with me. His final smash would just be him asking the player “Why are we born only to die?”

#9

First appearance: Octopath Traveler (2018)

Octopath Traveler isn’t even out yet but I can hazard a guess as to which of the eight playable characters in this Square exclusive for the Switch will be most played. Primrose the dancer is as alluring as 16-bit imagination allows, with concept art for support, and she could give Zero Suit Samus a run for her money. Once Octopath Traveler becomes a hit, this character is almost uncertainly set to possibly not make an appearance. Hey I just write the stuff, I don’t read the future!

#8

First appearance: Hyper Light Drifter (2016)

Is Hyper Light Drifter on the Switch yet? It’s criminal if it isn’t. This game was so rad. The Drifter could appear as an echo character of Link, easily, though the stylish acid-colored laser attacks and swift dashing would make him the favorite of any indie hipster.

#7

First appearance: Nights Into Dreams (1996)

Sonic the Hedgehog is already a part of Smash’s DNA so why not on-board more Sega icons? Sure, there’s…. uhm… uh… there’s the pencil skirt chick from the Streets of Rage games? Okay, so there aren’t a whole lot of non-Sonic icons to pull from but Nights was that one game that impressed you as a teenager for an hour before the PlayStation came out, then you collectively forgot about him like the rest of the world. Don’t worry, he’s just been biding his time and weeping into his whiskey. Your night is coming, Nights. Don’t give up on yourself.

#6

First appearance: Silent Hill 2 (2001)

You know what Smash Bros. Ultimate really needs? Some mind-numbing horror! Surreal monster Pyramid Head could do to the other characters on the roster whatever it did to that one mannequin creature in that one scene you’re trying not to remember right now.

#5

First appearance: Final Fantasy VI (1994)

Kefka Palazzo, the clown prince of sublime, could teach Master Hand a thing or two but making him a playable character gives him a chance to distance himself from the poor reception of the last Dissidia game. Give him all his god-like powers of teleporting, conjuring, shapeshifting, and philosophical nonsensicality and you have the ultimate wild card on the Ultimate roster!

#4

First appearance: Tetris (1984)

Nothing fancy, just a tetromino (yes, the image above spells it wrongly). The most famous block in history has a significant part in Nintendo’s own history of success, so why not give up a spot for it/them in the Ultimate roster? The different costumes would be the different shapes, of course. All the better to crush your enemies with!

#3

First appearance: The Bronx, New York City (1961)

The oldest entry on here but the most meta, Reggie Fils-Aimé seemingly breaks the fourth wall of reality constantly and he’s a bigger meme than Deadpool. How he hasn’t managed to work his way into the fabric of Smash via his ever-expanding consciousness is beyond me, but his metaphysical presence would make Ultimate truly the ultimate Smash Bros. experience. Don’t believe me? Let me show you his moves:

#2

First appearance: The Last of Us (2013)

Is there a smug Sony problem? If this image upset you, then the answer is “yes”. Maybe not sharing your toys (or crossplay) is a pretty big indicator, too, Sony, but Joel could fix that! The zombie-fighting discount-dad can take a break from heavy-handed storytelling and Clockwork Orange-esque ultra-violence for violence of the more cartoonish sort and bring a true smile to children who are as old as Ellie when they first meet. His final smash could be betraying everything by lying to your face.

#1

First appearance: Final Fantasy (1987)

Screw you, this is my list!

If your answer to “who is the best mage” is Houdini, David Copperfield, Criss Angel, or Black Mages then it’s a good thing this is the final entry on this list because I’m about to tell you to get out. A Red Mage is exactly the sort of mediocrity that Smash Bros. Ultimate truly needs. Master of nothing, meh at everything. Of course there are better choices, but there is no other choice as average as this one, which makes the Red Mage the least likeliest Smash fighter Nintendo will ever add! Tada~

__________________________

In conclusion… who knows how many of these are actually viable. What I do know is we’re never getting Waluigi.

GAME!

Red formerly ran The Well-Red Mage and now serves The Pixels as founder, writer, editor, and podcaster. He has undertaken a seemingly endless crusade to talk about the games themselves in the midst of a culture obsessed with the latest controversy, scandal, and news cycle about harassment, toxicity, and negativity. Pick out his feathered cap on Twitter @thewellredmage, Mage Cast, or Story Mode.